JOKESYOU

DISCOVER WORLD OF JOKES

10 BEST JOKES

funny joke

You can find here 10 funniest jokes from our database. Jokes are ordered by rating. Best jokes are first. Top 10 jokes. Best jokes for every day!

1.

teacher asked : Why are you late for school?
Johnny: Because of the Sign.
Teacher : What Sign?
Johnny : The sign that says "School ahead go slow"

505   
94joke rating: 5.37 (505/94)

2.

Q: Why was the math textbook so sad?
A: He had a lot of problems!

61   
12joke rating: 5.08 (61/12)

3.

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling.
"If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with,
"If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant."
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid,
"What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!"
Then kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"

19   
4joke rating: 4.75 (19/4)

4.

Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.
When did you first notice this problem?
What problem?

37   
8joke rating: 4.63 (37/8)

5.

Billy and Joe were huge baseball fans.
One day, both Billy and Joe made a pact that if either of them were to die; they had to come back to the other in the form of a ghost to let the other know if baseball was played in heaven.
Sure enough, Billy dies and eventually comes to Joe one night in the form of a ghost.
A startled Joe realizes it is the ghost of his deceased friend and says "Billy, it is so good to see you...so tell me, is there baseball in Heaven?".
"Well", Billy says, "I have some good news and bad news for ya.
First the good news...YES, there is baseball in heaven!".
"Thank God!" Joe shouts...
"What is the bad news?!".
"You're pitching tomorrow."

256   
58joke rating: 4.41 (256/58)

6.

Yo mama so dumb,when she got an "F" on her test, she thought it mean Fantastic!

308   
70joke rating: 4.4 (308/70)

7.

Bob works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,
"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"I recognize her; she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobby. want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.
The cabby turns around and says, "Geez, Bob, you picked up a real b*tch this time!"

8   
2joke rating: 4 (8/2)

8.

A guy takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game for the first time.
After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game.
Oh, I really liked it, she said, but I just couldn't understand though why they were beating each other up for 25 cents.
Suprised, the boyfriend asked, what do you mean?
The blonde girlfriend replied, all they kept screaming was: "Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"

59   
15joke rating: 3.93 (59/15)

9.

A Blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says She is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the Blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked in the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The Blonde replied, "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"

43   
11joke rating: 3.91 (43/11)

10.

A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room.
Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him."
His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh.. well.. ah.. well, I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."
And the boy says, "Well, that won't work!"
His mom says, "Why?"
And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up."

11   
3joke rating: 3.67 (11/3)

Copyright ©2008 Jokesyou.com | Contact us