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A blonde goes to a sales man to buy a TV, "I want that TV."
The man replies, "Sorry, I don't sell to blondes."
She went home, died her hair red and went back to the sales man, "I want this TV."
Again, "Sorry, I don't sell to blonbes."
Frustrated, she went home, shaved bold and went again, "I want this TV!!!"
Again, "Sorry I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde screams out, "HOW THE HELL DO U KNOW I'M BLONDE!?!"
He replies, "Cause that's not a TV, it's a microwave!"
A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm.
She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."
Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.
Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to K-Mart now?"
So there are three construction workers. One is blonde, one is brunette and one is a red head.
Everyday, they sit on the top of their construction building and eat lunch. For the past 4 months, they have all gotten tuna sandwiches.
One day the red head says, "That's it! Next time I get tuna sandwich, I am jumping off the roof of this building."
Both the blonde and the brunette agree.
The next day, they all get tuna sandwiches and they all jump off the roof.
As their wives mourn at their funerals, one wife looks at the blonde's wife and says, "I cant believe they jumped off the roof just because of the tuna sandwiches we made them. I feel so bad."
The blonde wife looks up and says, "Don't look at me, he packs his own lunch."
Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.
When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blondes leans inside and asks the bus driver:
"Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"
The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm sorry."
At this the other blonde leans inside, smiles, and twitters: "Will it take ME?"
There was in the bar a magic mirror.
If you told a lie it would suck you in.
One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world," and it sucked her in.
The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world," and it sucked her in.
Then the next day a blonde walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said, "I think..." and it sucked her in.
A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned.
The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend."
The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."
So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
What did the blonde say when she found she is pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
A blonde & brunette are in an elevator. On the third floor a man gets on who's just perfect: 3-piece suit, great build with a nice butt.
Unfortunately, they both noticed, he had really bad dandruff. The man got off on the 5th floor.
Once the doors closed the brunette turned to the blonde and said, "Someone should give him 'Head & Shoulders.'"
To which the blonde replied, "How do you give 'Shoulders'?"
A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.
For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.
When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools.
Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole.
Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Amazed, the blonde was not quite sure what to do as this certainly was not covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly--tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again.
"There are no fish under the ice!!"
Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, "Is that You, Lord?"
The voice boomed back, "NO THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!"
Two blonde women are talking..
- you know, yesterday, I cheated on my husband
- did you do it for money or for love?
- for love of course, 'cause you know $300 is not really money anymore...
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