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Blonde jokes

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If you like funny blondes jokes, welcome. Endless collection of hilarious blonde jokes. Jokes are ordered by rating. Best blonde jokes are first. You can find here funniest blonde jokes on the world. Dumb blonde jokes for every day!


A Blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says She is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the Blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked in the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The Blonde replied, "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"

12joke rating: 4.42 (53/12)


A guy takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game for the first time.
After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game.
Oh, I really liked it, she said, but I just couldn't understand though why they were beating each other up for 25 cents.
Suprised, the boyfriend asked, what do you mean?
The blonde girlfriend replied, all they kept screaming was: "Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"

17joke rating: 3.76 (64/17)


A blonde goes to a sales man to buy a TV, "I want that TV."
The man replies, "Sorry, I don't sell to blondes."
She went home, died her hair red and went back to the sales man, "I want this TV."
Again, "Sorry, I don't sell to blonbes."
Frustrated, she went home, shaved bold and went again, "I want this TV!!!"
Again, "Sorry I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde screams out, "HOW THE HELL DO U KNOW I'M BLONDE!?!"
He replies, "Cause that's not a TV, it's a microwave!"

12joke rating: 3.67 (44/12)


A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation.
She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!"
The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?"
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her.
With lightning reflexes, the Blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank.
Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up.
The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.
The blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back.
Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration,

"DAMN IT this one is barefoot too!!

6joke rating: 3.5 (21/6)


A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

9joke rating: 3.33 (30/9)


A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned.
The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend."
The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."
So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

7joke rating: 3.14 (22/7)


What did the blonde say when she found she is pregnant?

"Is it mine?"

13joke rating: 3 (39/13)


Q: How many blonde jokes are there?
A: 1 the rest of them are true stories.

5joke rating: 3 (15/5)


Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe across the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

22joke rating: 2.95 (65/22)


What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?
The light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.

11joke rating: 2.73 (30/11)


So there are three construction workers. One is blonde, one is brunette and one is a red head.
Everyday, they sit on the top of their construction building and eat lunch. For the past 4 months, they have all gotten tuna sandwiches.
One day the red head says, "That's it! Next time I get tuna sandwich, I am jumping off the roof of this building."
Both the blonde and the brunette agree.
The next day, they all get tuna sandwiches and they all jump off the roof.
As their wives mourn at their funerals, one wife looks at the blonde's wife and says, "I cant believe they jumped off the roof just because of the tuna sandwiches we made them. I feel so bad."
The blonde wife looks up and says, "Don't look at me, he packs his own lunch."

7joke rating: 2.71 (19/7)


A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar.
He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.
"The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth.
The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head.
The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone 100 dollars who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.
A blonde woman timidly spoke up, "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

12joke rating: 2.67 (32/12)


Why did the blonde get on the roof of the bar?
She heard drinks were on the house.

6joke rating: 2.5 (15/6)


There's 1 redhead 1 brunette and 1 blonde. Their all at the NASA space center.
The redhead says to the flight technician, "I want to go to the moon". The flight technician says she can go tomorrow.
The brunette says, "I want to go to Mars". He says she can go next week.
The blonde says, "I want to go to the sun". The flight technician says, "Don't you know you'll burn up?"
The blonde says, "Well then I'll go at night."

4joke rating: 2.25 (9/4)


A stranger was seated next to a blonde on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger,
- 'What would you like to talk about?'
- 'Oh, I don't know, said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.
- OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The stranger, visibly surprised by the blonde's intelligence, thinks about it and says,
- 'Hmmm, I have no idea....'
To which the blonde replies,
- 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?'

6joke rating: 2.17 (13/6)


A blonde was driving home after work and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
Her roommate rolled her eyes and said... "HEL-LOOOOOOOO ...You gotta roll up the windows!!!

6joke rating: 2 (12/6)


A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm.
She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."
Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.
Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to K-Mart now?"

5joke rating: 2 (10/5)


On a plane flight from Seattle to Chicago, a blonde was sitting in economy class. About half way through the flight, she got up and moved to an empty seat in first class. A flight attendant who observed this, went over to her and politely explained that she had to move back to economy class because that was what her ticket was for. The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago and I'm staying right here."
After several attempts to explain to the blonde why she had to return to economy class, the flight attendant gave up. She went to the cockpit and explained the situation to the pilot and co-pilot.
"Wait a minute," said the pilot. "Did you say she's blonde? I can handle this. My wife is a blonde. I speak Blonde." So he went up to the woman sitting in first class and whispered something in her ear.
"I'm sorry," said the blonde, and she promptly got up and returned to her seat in economy class.
"What did you say to her?" ask the astonished flight attendant and co-pilot.
To which the pilot replied, "I just told her that first class isn't going to Chicago."

4joke rating: 2 (8/4)


There is this blonde going to Disney World.
She sees a sign that says, "Disney World left".
She turns around and goes home.

8joke rating: 1.63 (13/8)


A blonde & brunette are in an elevator. On the third floor a man gets on who's just perfect: 3-piece suit, great build with a nice butt.
Unfortunately, they both noticed, he had really bad dandruff. The man got off on the 5th floor.
Once the doors closed the brunette turned to the blonde and said, "Someone should give him 'Head & Shoulders.'"
To which the blonde replied, "How do you give 'Shoulders'?"

5joke rating: 1.6 (8/5)


A blond, brunet, and redhead walk in the doctors office for a pregnancy check up.
The redhead says I'm gonna have a boy because I had got pregnant while I was on top.
The brunet says I'm gonna have a girl because I got pregnant while I was on bottom.
Then suddenly they hear the blond scream, "Ahhhh.. I'M GONNA HAVE PUPPY!!!"

7joke rating: 1.57 (11/7)


What do u do when a blond girl throws a grenade at u???

U pull the pin out and throw it back!!!

10joke rating: 1.5 (15/10)


Two blonde women are talking..

- you know, yesterday, I cheated on my husband
- did you do it for money or for love?
- for love of course, 'cause you know $300 is not really money anymore...

8joke rating: 1.5 (12/8)


How do you get a 1 armed blonde out of a tree?

You wave.

9joke rating: 1.33 (12/9)


Q: What do u call a blonde with one brain cell?
A: Intelligent.

Q: What do u call a blonde with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

14joke rating: 1.29 (18/14)


Why did the blonde give her computer cough medicine?

It had a virus.

9joke rating: 1.22 (11/9)


A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

6joke rating: 1.17 (7/6)


There was in the bar a magic mirror.
If you told a lie it would suck you in.
One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world," and it sucked her in.
The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world," and it sucked her in.
Then the next day a blonde walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said, "I think..." and it sucked her in.

8joke rating: 1.13 (9/8)


A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.
For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.
When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools.
Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole.
Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Amazed, the blonde was not quite sure what to do as this certainly was not covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly--tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again.
"There are no fish under the ice!!"
Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, "Is that You, Lord?"

8joke rating: 1.13 (9/8)


Why did the blonde nurse take a red magic marker to work?

So she could draw blood.

9joke rating: 1.11 (10/9)


A black man is talking to a blond white woman.
"If we ever have kids, what will they look like?"

The blond white women says, "They will be zebras."

11joke rating: 1.09 (12/11)


Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

12joke rating: 1.08 (13/12)


Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.
When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blondes leans inside and asks the bus driver:
"Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"
The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm sorry."
At this the other blonde leans inside, smiles, and twitters: "Will it take ME?"

7joke rating: 1 (7/7)


A blonde phones up the fire brigade and says that her house is on fire.
Fireman asks, "How do we get there ?"
She replies, "HELLO ... IN THE BIG RED LORRY !"

6joke rating: 1 (6/6)


Q: Smart blonde and santa jump off a bridge, who made the bigger splash?
A: Neither, they are unreal.

10joke rating: 0.8 (8/10)


Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour.
Hey, asked the brunette at the wheel, see any cops following us?
The blonde turned around for a long look. As a matter of fact, I do.
Oh, NOOOO! yelled the brunette. Are his flashers on?
The blonde turned around again. "Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..."

8joke rating: 0.75 (6/8)


I'm a blonde and I'm pretty smart, I know because people keep on telling me, especially the pretty girl on the bathroom wall .

16joke rating: 0.25 (4/16)

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