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If you like funny family jokes, you are on right place. Endless collection of hilarious family jokes. Jokes about family are ordered by rating. Best family jokes are first. You can find here funniest family jokes on the world. Family jokes for every day!

1.

Husband: everytime I hit you, you never fight back. how do you manage your anger?
Wife: I clean the toilet seat.............
Husband: How does it help?
Wife: I use your toothbrush!!!!

53   
12joke rating: 4.42 (53/12)

2.

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

24   
8joke rating: 3 (24/8)

3.

A newlywed couple moves into their new house.
One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"
A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"
Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"
The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car.
He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?

12   
4joke rating: 3 (12/4)

4.

Boy: Mommy can i go swimming?
Mommy: No because there are sharks in the water.
Boy: But daddy is swimming.
Mommy: Yeah,but daddy has insurance.

54   
20joke rating: 2.7 (54/20)

5.

A man and his wife were traveling down the highway when they saw the lights of a patrol car behind them.
When they pulled over, the patrol man came up to the window and said, "I am going to give you two tickets. One because you were speeding and one because you didn't have your seat belt fastened."
The man said, "I did too have my seat belt fastened. I just loosened it when you came up to the car.
The Patrol Man said to the man's wife, "I know he didn't have his seat belt fastened.
Isn't that right, lady?" She replied,
"Well, officer. I learned a long time ago not to argue with my husband when he's drunk."

13   
5joke rating: 2.6 (13/5)

6.

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....
"Go get your Mother."

13   
5joke rating: 2.6 (13/5)

7.

A husband and wife are eating soup. the wife spills soup all over her and says:
"Oh no, I look like a pig"
"Yes and you also have soup all over you!"

31   
12joke rating: 2.58 (31/12)

8.

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled, "The Meaning of Dreams."

33   
13joke rating: 2.54 (33/13)

9.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

35   
14joke rating: 2.5 (35/14)

10.

HUSBAND: Shall we try a different position tonight?
WIFE: That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board, while I sit on the sofa and fart.

22   
9joke rating: 2.44 (22/9)

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