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11.

A priest and a shepherd from Australia participate in a TV game. After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu". It is city in Africa.

The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration:

"I was a father all my life,
I had no children, had no wife,
I read the bible through and through
on my way to Timbuktu ... "

The poem makes a great impression, and the priest smells a sweet victory. But then comes the shepherd, with his winning masterpiece:

"When Tim and I to Brisbane went
We met three ladies cheap to rent.
They were three and we were two,
So I booked one and Tim Booked Two ... "

11   
6joke rating: 1.83 (11/6)

12.

An Irishman, an Italian, and a Pollack were having a drink together at the local tavern.
The Irishman says,"...You know, where I'm from, there's a bar called "O'Mally's", where you buy a drink, then you buy another drink, and then O'Mally himself buys you a drink."
The Italian then says, "Well....where I'm from, there's a place called "Vinnie's", where you buy a drink, then Vinnie buy you a drink, then you buy another drink, and then Vinnie buys you another drink.."
The Pollack then says, "Well...where I come from, there's a bar where they buy you a drink, then they buy you another drink, and then they buy you another drink, and then they take you in back, and then you get laid!"
The Irishman and the Italian both respond with, "Gee....that sounds like a great place ! Have you ever been there?"
"No..." said the Pollack, "....but my sister has ...."

9   
5joke rating: 1.8 (9/5)

13.

Scientists have finally discovered what is wrong with the female brain:
On the left side, there is nothing right, and on the right side, there is nothing left.

14   
9joke rating: 1.56 (14/9)

14.

When I got home last night my wife demanded that I 'take her somewhere expensive' ...
I took her to a petrol station ...

15   
10joke rating: 1.5 (15/10)

15.

I'm going to watch my wedding video later 'backwards'.
I love the end bit when she takes the ring off, goes back down the aisle and jumps in the car.

9   
6joke rating: 1.5 (9/6)

16.

A couple of Texas hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead..."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The hunter says, "OK, now what?"

6   
4joke rating: 1.5 (6/4)

17.

A man and his ever nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem, when the wife suddenly died.
The funeral company told the man that it would cost 45000 to ship her home or $500 to bury her in Jerusalem.
The husband said, "Ship her home."
Shocked, the undertaker asked, "But sir, why don't you bury her in the Holy Land and save the money?
"The husband replied, "A long time ago, a man was buried here and 3 days later, he rose from the dead ... I cant take the chance!"

10   
7joke rating: 1.43 (10/7)

18.

One day a man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out.
The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one."
The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to visit Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and ships make me seasick. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii."
The genie thought for a minute and said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved: the pilings needed to hold up the highway, how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "Well, there is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand my girlfriend. What makes her laugh and cry, why is she temperamental, why is she so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes her tick?"
The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?"

7   
5joke rating: 1.4 (7/5)

19.

A man was digging a ditch, when he uncovered a lamp.
When he brushed it off, a genie popped out and said, "To show my gratitude for releasing me, I'll grant you one wish.."
The man thought for a second, reached into his pocket, pulled out a map of the world, pointed to the Middle-East, and replied, "I want you to bring peace to this area."
"Ooooh....I'm so sorry, that's impossible" said the genie. "There's absolutely no way I could accomplish such a great feat, so you'll have to choose another wish..."
The man then said, "Well....then I want to understand women....?"
The genie thought for a minute then said, "Can I see that map again..?"

7   
5joke rating: 1.4 (7/5)

20.

Wife says to husband:

- I am tired of being your maid, I am filing for divorce!
- No, you are fired!

11   
8joke rating: 1.38 (11/8)

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