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Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "But I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
Ms.Battle: Henry, I hope I didn't see you copying Casey's math test.
Henry: I hope you didn't either.
teacher asked : Why are you late for school?
Johnny: Because of the Sign.
Teacher : What Sign?
Johnny : The sign that says "School ahead go slow"
TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
FATHER: What's that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.
Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you?
Pupil: Not very much!
Teacher: If you eat fish?
Student: It's good for my eyes.
Teacher: If you don't eat fish?
Student: It's good for the fish!
Teacher asked George: how can you prove the earth is round?
George replied: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study?"
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying, "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out.
This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.
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