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Teacher: If you eat fish?
Student: It's good for my eyes.
Teacher: If you don't eat fish?
Student: It's good for the fish!
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
"JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.
This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"
The Teacher fainted.
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study?"
A student went to class late, so the teacher asked him, "Why are you late?"
He told her, "I was dreaming of a Manchester United football match."
But that did not make any sense for the teacher so she ask, "Still why are you late?"
He answered, "Because there was extra time."
A female school teacher comes up to a parent at a parent meeting and says, "You know, your son called me a pr*stitute!"
Dad calls up his son and says: "So this teacher teaches you, helps you, wants you to get good grades and for all that you call her a pr*stitute??
What do you care about what she does after work?"
A student is sitting at astronomy lecture in college, when the professor mentions.
"In about 15 billion years, the sun will burn out and all life on earth will cease to exist."
"Excuse me, professor, did you say 5 billion years or 15 billion?"
"Whew, thanks, because I was really getting worried."
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