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If you like funny women jokes, welcome. Endless collection of women jokes. Jokes for women are ordered by rating. Best women jokes are first. You can find here funniest women jokes on the world. Jokes fro women for every day!


A lady went to see a tarot reader woman who'll predict her future:

- Lady, I'm sorry to inform you that your husband will die in the near future.
- Don't tell me things that I already know, tell me if there would be an investigation!!

9joke rating: 3.56 (32/9)


A lady is walking down the street to work and she sees a parrot in a pet store.
The parrot says to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
Well, the lady is furious! And she storms past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
Well, she was incredibly ticked now.
The next day see saw the same parrot and the parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird.
The store manager said, "That's not good." and promised he wouldn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, "Hey lady."
She paused and said, "Yes?" and the bird said, "You know."

12joke rating: 3.5 (42/12)


A woman was telling her friend , "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him." Asked the friend. The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".

7joke rating: 3.14 (22/7)


Two elderly ladies were discussing the upcoming dance at the country club.
"We're supposed to wear something that matches our husband's hair, so I'm wearing black," said Mrs. Smith.
"Oh my," said Mrs. Jones, "I'd better not go."

7joke rating: 3 (21/7)


A married couple in their 60's are visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish.
"I want to travel around the world with my darling husband," says the wife ... 2 tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hand !
Husband says, "Sorry love, my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me ..."
So the fairy waves her wand and the husband becomes 92!

12joke rating: 2.92 (35/12)


Jenna, Jessica and Ariana die. They all go to heaven and GOD says, "You can do whatever you want, just don't step on a pink cloud".
The first day, Jenna goes out and comes back with a ugly guy. Jessica and Ariana ask, "What happen?".Jenna says, "I stepped on a pink cloud".
The next day, Jessica goes out, she comes back with a ugly guy. Jenna and Ariana ask, "What happen?". Jessica says, "I stepped on a pink cloud".
The following day Ariana goes out and comes back with a HOT guy, blue eyes, thin and tall. Jenna and Jessica ask, "What happen?"
The guy says, "I stepped on a pink cloud".

8joke rating: 2.75 (22/8)


A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

8joke rating: 2.38 (19/8)


Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife, "Look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite!
Wife replies, "Yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse ..."

8joke rating: 2.13 (17/8)


My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her.
Or something like that ...

18joke rating: 1.94 (35/18)


2 girls meet:

- me & my husband are no longer together...
- why?
- well, could you live with a person who smokes weed, drinks, has no job and always cusses?
- no, of course I couldn't!
- well he couldn't either!

13joke rating: 1.62 (21/13)


This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out.
She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight...."

7joke rating: 0.71 (5/7)


A woman gives birth to a baby..... Afterward, the doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."
The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor? What's wrong???"
The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite."
The woman says, "A hermaphrodite... what's that???"
The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has of a male and a female."
The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my God! You mean it has a pen*s...AND a brain!!!"

13joke rating: 0.54 (7/13)


This man was talking to a group of men at a bar and he said, "In my house I am the boss, I say when the laundry is done and when the cooking is made and when the dishes are washed."
One of the guys at the table said, "How long have you been married?"
The man says, "Oh I'm not married I'm single!"

10joke rating: 0.5 (5/10)


There were three guys in a bar. Two are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives. The third remains silent.
After a while, one of the first two turned to the third and says, "Well... what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
"Well, on our honeymoon, I made damn sure my wife came to me on her hands and knees," he bragged and took another sip of beer.
His friends were amazed! "What happened then?" they asked, almost in unison."

"Well, then she said, "Get the hell out from under that bed and fight like a man!" he admitted.

7joke rating: 0.43 (3/7)

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