Work jokes / page 4

31.

How many lawyers dose it take to change a light bulb?

3, 1 to climb the ladder, 1 to shake it, and 1 to sue the ladder company.

32.

A mathematician, physicist and economist after Titanic crash on uninhabited island in the middle of Atlantic ocean. Starving to death they found a can of roast beef. They start debating how to open the can without can-opener.
Mathematician suggests to drop the can from the cliff to open it.
Physicist proposes to heat the can on bonfire.
Economist: "Let's suppose the can is opened...."

33.

A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven. They were met at the Pearly Gate by St. Peter who conducted them to their rooms.
The Pope's room was spartan with bare floor, army cot for a bed, and a single bulb for light.
They came to the Lawyer's room. It was huge with wall to wall carpeting, king sized water bed, indirect lighting, color TV, stereo, Jacuzzi and fully stocked bar.
The Lawyer said, "There must be a mistake. This must be the Pope's room!"
St Peter said, "There's no mistake. This is your room. We have lots of Pope's, but you're our very first Lawyer!"

34.

Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers?
People were confused about which side to spit.

35.

Patient goes to Doctor, doctor starts looking at him...

- Good, good, good...
- Doctor, what's good?
- Good that I don't have what you have...

36.

A system administrator has 2 problems:

- dumb users
- smart users

37.

How do two programmers make money?

One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses

38.

To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their accomplice.
To help someone after they commit a crime means you are their attorney.

39.

MALE PROGRAMMER PICKING UP FEMALE PROGRAMMER

Male: I have a bit of data you would be interested in.
Female: Would it be a suitable application for what I'm needing?
Male: We can only but install it to find out!
Female: How do I know if its virus free?
Male: I have the leading market protection!
Female: You do realize, if it fails it could change my parameters!
Male: Don't worry its compatible!

40.

A man walks into his office box on a Monday morning. He checks his e-mails and sees one from his neighbor.
it reads, "Do you have any naked photos of your wife?"
Outraged the man replies, "NO I DO NOT!!!!"
Shortly after he receives a second e-mail from his neighbor.
Expecting an apology he opens the e-mail.
It reads, "Want to buy some?"